FEEDBACK 3

GROUP 3

Ladies,

You seem to understand the structure well and you have the casual tone needed for the panel discussion genre. However, the analysis of the play needs work, as does the links with modern day society.  So take note of the following pointers and come see me for further clarification:

1. Mr Birling firing Eva as an example of class divisions.  You really need to focus on the fact that if the world of the 1900s had been more of an equal playing field then the dismissal would not have taken place.  In today’s Australia, does there remain any injustice as a result of social class divisions?  Are there any other types of unfair dismissals?  Or to make it easier to find examples, are there any companies out there that would, in order to enlarge profits, reduce the quality of an employee’s work life.  Your current example of school groups is not linking all too well currently, I would choose something different.
2. For all the sections, you really need to analyse a great deal more of the play.  Provide evidence for every claim you make. 
3. Sheila “firing” Eva/Daisy: In here you should focus on how Eva used her social status and wealth to get Daisy fired.  In your analysis make sure you explain so clearly how Sheila managed to do this.  “So clearly,” means that you provide a number of examples so that the reader (viewer) has no reason to disagree with you at all.  Your modern day examples should reflect how people use their social status to get their way in society by stepping on others.  Provide specific examples.  You can probably include those school groups her/brand names etc.
4. Gerald and Daisy: You will need to revise the sexuality modern day example.  It isn’t seamless, I found myself thinking, “hang on a second, how do gay rights link to Gerald’s emotional abuse of Daisy?” If you can make the link clearer to me and to the audience than by all means keep it.

Take care girls and please, oh please ask questions. 

Miss V